A Series Of Unfortunate Events
by TacosForCrazyPeople
Summary: HAHA! {WHATS SO FUNNY ABOUT UNFORUNATE EVENTS!} From where your standing nothing. Rated T cuz I felt like it! FACE!
1. COME AT ME BRO!

**A/N: So this was just something i came up with when literally just writing stuff now, and some of it wasn't even grammatically correct, i just felt like writing verbal diarrhea, and i thought 'oh hey maybe i should putt this as a fanfiction' and the other voice in my head (i have two of them you see, sometimes more!) said ' why the hell not. so here it is**

**Disclaimer i do not own One Piece! But if i did Ace would be alive! Or if i had to kill him off, i'd do it in a way that pissed me off less, or i'd least have the man show up for more than two chapters (im not including the fight with blackbeard and the war, i mean actual like character development scenes and what not.) like come on Oda, would'da help a brother out, I mean like his the main characters brotha! At least give more heart warming moments that don't involve him like dying and flashbacks and stuff... anydoodle off topic again... **

**ENJOY! XD**

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"NAMI-SWWAAAAAN! I HAVE YOUR TEA!" Sanji danced across the deck with hearts in his eyes, with a tray and tea in his hand. Nami thanked him, gradually taking the teacup from him and continued to read the newspapper.

Zoro grunted, having his sleep being disturbed from the ero-cooks constant yapping, "Would'da mind keeping it down, stupid cook..."

A blood vessel became visible on said cooks forehead, as he went straight for the kill, one leg slamming down towards Zoro's face, but fortunately for the swordsman, he was able to block it with his sword still in its sheath.

"YOU WANNA GO BRO!?" Zoro bellowed.

"DAMN STRAIGHT! COME AT ME BRO!" Sanji retorted.

"THEN LETS TAKE THIS OUTSIDE BRO!"

"WE'RE ALREADY OUTSIDE DUMB ASS! WHICH YOU WOULD KNOW IF YOU WEREN'T SO DIRECTIONALLY CHALLENGED!"

"THATS NOT EVEN A REAL THING!"

"YOU MAKE IT A REAL THING!"

"SO WHAT? DO YOU EVEN LIFT BRA!"

"YEAH OF COU- wait what...?"

"Exactly that's what I thought." Zoro had gone back to sleep and declaring the fight over before Sanji could even process what he had said and make a comeback.

* * *

**A/N: See i know its short, but that what makes it fun! Well, for me at least cuz its easier to update a story... So i already have other ideas on the go, im just to tired to write them at this very moment, so be patience peeps! can i call you peeps, i feel like we have this deep special bond already to call each other 'peeps' XD**


	2. MALK!

**A/N: For Anyone who watches him, yes this is based from the julian smith youtube video Malk. Didn't want people thinking that I took the idea and claimed it as my own! Cuz I didn't.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Shit cuz I'm poor...**

**So without further adieu please enjoy this weeks chapter of A Series Of Unfortunate events.**

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It seemed like a peaceful day on the thousand sunny. Despite being on the Grandline, the weather seemed nice a calm, enough so that the Straw Hat crew had decided to lay anchor for the day. Most of the crew had been outside, basking in the warm and subtle breeze of the afternoon. Nami mostly, as she was sunbathing in her new bikini and sunglasses she had bought from the last island, and an ice drink beside her. But there was two certain idiots ruining her peace and quiet.

Usopp and Luffy have danced around the boat and as usual, being loud and obtrusive. She pulled up her glasses and shot the two individuals a glare. "Would you two shut up!"

Usopp gave a frightened reaction, and cowered behind Luffy, but Luffy stared at her with his usual blank face. "But I'm bored-d-d, and hungry!"

Nami rolled her eyes, "Then go bother Sanji, he's cooking lunch right now!" She huffed, put her glasses back on and went back to her sun-bathing.

"ok!" Luffy grabbed hold of Usopp's wrist and ran to the kitchen, they found Sanji at the stove cooking lunch, exactly as Nami said.

Sanji glanced towards them, "Oh it's only you two, Luffy lunch isn't ready yet,"

"I know, but Nami said that we should bother you till it is ready," Luffy retorted bluntly, tapping on the aquarium and making weird faces at the fish.

Sanji's eyes began to form hearts at the very thought of Nami, and became ludicrous to what he was saying again, "WELL IF NAMI-SWAN SAID!" damn it...

"Hey Sanji you got anything to drink?" Usopp asked, still standing at the doorway.

"Yea. In the fridge." Sanji answered, going back to his cooking.

"Well that was descriptive," Usopp murmured opening up the fridge door.

As Luffy looked away from the fishes, his face being stretched by his hands, he asked, "Hey Usopp, grab me a glass of malk would'da?"

"We don't have any _malk_ but I can get you some_ milk_." He corrected.

Both Sanji and Luffy stared back at the Sniper with a ludicrous face.

"That's...what he just said." Sanji remarked, his thoughts no longer on the food.

"Yea I just want some malk." Luffy added in.

"Nah, you're saying it wrong. You're saying malk like it's a disease." Usopp scoffed standing up straight and shutting the fridge.

Sanji chuckled. "How do you say it then, Usopp?" He smirked.

"I'm saying it like everyone oughta be saying it, Milk. M-I-L-K."

Sanji nodded. "Right. Like 2%."

"Right, whole malk." Luffy stated, losing patience.

Usopp shook his hands and head rapidly, "No, no, no, no, no. Say milkshake."

"Milkshake." Luffy repeated.

Usopp nodded. "Now say milk."

"Malk."

Usopp slumped over and sighed. His usual cloud of depressingness shadowing over him, he then turned to Sanji again.

"Are you hearing this?" He asked, wondering if he was actually going insane.

"Yeah. The man wants a glass of mulk."

"Mulk?" Both Sanji and Usopp rolled their eyes, probably assuming this was one of Usopp's lies/stories again.

"Give him the mulk, Usopp!" Sanji shouted, losing his patience, much like Luffy.

Suddenly, Nami stormed in.

"Jesus idiots! Mind keeping it down! I didn't send you two here to be louder!" She fumed.

This time, including Luffy, the two jumped in fear. While as Sanji came slithering up to her, hearts in eyes.

"I'M SORRY NAMI-SWAANN! I'LL KEEP THESE TWO IN CHECK!" he then went to her for a hug, but she quickly slammed her foot on his face and left. "ah Nami-swans, so cute even when hitting me..."

Luffy, already forgetting what Nami had said, turned to his crewmate and glared.

"USOPP! POUR ME. A GLASS. OF MALK!" Luffy hollered, slamming his fist down on the table.

"Why are you yelling at me?" Usopp questioned, holding his hands up in defence.

"Just give him the shitty glass of mulk!" Sanji snapped, picking himself off the floor.

"You guys aren't even saying the same things!" Usopp exclaimed.

"WE'RE ALL SAYING MALK USOPP!" Luffy gestured his arms to everyone in the room

"No. YOU'RE saying malk!" He pointed an accusing finger at him. "You're saying mu-!"

"MULK!" Sanji mimicked.

"MAAAAAAA-" Luffy suddenly started yelling the word, sounding more like growling. Sanji repeated his own word again and again. But as Luffy sang it, his mouth forming an oval, Usopp lost it.

"SHUT UP!" He pulled out his slingshot from his overalls and aimed it at their heads.

The two looked at each other, than back at Usopp, a bit skeptical. Usopp then threw the slingshot away, pulling out a gun from his hair instead. The two looked more startled this time.

"SHUT. UP!" Usopp roared, before pointing the gun on the side of his head.

Sanji took a gun from his jacket pocket and aimed for Usopp. Luffy pulled one from his hat and did the same.

"You better put it down Usopp," Sanji advised, threateningly putting his finger on the trigger.

"Don't- don't do it Usopp!" Luffy blustered holding the gun tighter in two hands then needed.

Usopp looked between them, now utterly confused.

"Your gonna shoot me if I shoot myself?" Usopp questioned, chuckling a bit ludicrously, "That doesn't make any sense!"

The cook and captain exchanged a glance, and aimed their own guns at their heads.

"USOPP, JUST PUT IT DOWN!"

"PUT THE GUN DOWN!"

"PUT IT-"

"PUT YOUR GUNS AWAAAAYYY!" Usopp roared.

"Just put it down now!" Sanji pleaded, not wanting to explain a corpse to his dear Nami-swan.

"I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF OVER THIS!" The sniper screamed.

"YOU'RE LIKE A BROTHER TO ME!" Luffy wailed, "YOU'RE HAND IS LIKE A BROTHER TO ME!"

The two boys tried to snap Usopp out of his rage as he screamed.

* * *

"And theeeen after that, we pulled the trigger." Usopp explained, somewhat proud of the story he made up this time, "All of us."

Nami had her foot out, taping rapidly, as she held her hip out and arms crossed. "Really? All of you?"

"Yep!" Usopp claimed proudly, his long-nose up. The rest of the Straw Hat crew was behind Usopp, trying to contain their laughter.

"So then how is it you three, or rather in this case you two, are still alive?" Nami inquired.

Usopp could feel the sweat beading his face. He never really thought about that, "o-o-oh, d-did I say all of us! I'm meant Luffy pulled the trigger!" Usopp said laughing nervously.

"And why would he do that?" Nami dared asked, smiling a bit to herself.

"Yeah, why would I do that!" Luffy joined in.

"Because He couldn't stand the emotion impact of losing his milk!" Usopp said, pointing to the mess of spilled milk all over the floor.

"hey! I wouldn't kill myself over spilt milk... Maybe over meat...!" Luffy complained.

A blood vessel become visible on Nami's forehead, losing patients with these two, once again. "JUST CLEAN THIS DAMN MESS ALREADY!" and she stormed off back to her beach chair.

Nami sighed as she came laying back down in her chair. While taking a sip of her drink she declared to herself that a peaceful day on this ship doesn't exist.

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**A/N: And dar'ere ya go, second chapter! DONE! I HOPE THESE ARE SOMETHING DELIGHTFUL FOR YOU TO READ, CUZ IT SURE AS HELL IS FOR ME! (And yes i do reread my fanfictions, mostly because I sometimes Forget what i did, or what i wrote down, so sometimes I got to re-read that shit!)**

**So, wait till I post the next chapter, which will maybe be next week, I might do some kind of weekly thing, even though I might miss the deadline sometimes. Just put up with it! :) Thank you!**


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